After an election

After the results: the first family call

Whichever way it went, someone you love may be feeling the opposite of what you feel. One of you might be relieved and the other gutted. The first call or text after the results can set the tone for a long time, so it's worth a little thought.

These are conversation ideas, not therapy or professional advice. If a relationship involves threats, abuse, or fear for your safety, start here instead.

Before you reach out

Wait until you're calm. A day or two is fine. Nobody needs a hot take from you on results night.
Decide what the call is for: checking in on them, not on the news.
Don't send the results, a meme, or an article. Even a joke can land like a jab this week.
Remember that the person you love didn't decide this on their own.

If it went the way you hoped

It's natural to feel relieved or happy. Share that with people who feel the same way. With someone who's hurting, skip the victory lap, even a small one. Being gracious now is something they'll remember.

Words you can use

Checking in without gloating
“I know this week might feel really different for you than it does for me. I just wanted to say I love you, and I'm thinking of you.”

If it didn't go the way you hoped

You're allowed to be sad, worried, or angry, and you don't have to pretend otherwise. You also don't have to hash it out with them yet. It's okay to say so, and to keep the first contact short.

Words you can use

Keeping in touch while it's raw
“I'm not ready to talk about the news yet, but I didn't want the week to go by without saying hi.”

If it comes up anyway

Even with the best plan, the results may come up. You don't have to debate them. Name the difference, then steer back to the two of you.

Words you can use

If they bring it up
“I know we see this one differently. Can we leave it for today? I'd much rather hear how you're doing.”
If they're celebrating and you're not
“I can tell this is a big week for you. For me it's a hard one. Can we talk about something else for now?”
If they're hurting and you're not
“That sounds really hard. I'm not going to argue about it. I'm just glad you told me.”

Group chats and posts

Keep the results out of the family group chat, even if someone else brings them in.
It's fine to mute a chat or a feed for a few days. You can say so kindly, or just do it quietly.
React to the photos, the birthdays, and the dog. Normal family news is a gift this week.

With the holidays coming up

If you'll be at the same table soon, a kind first call now makes that day easier. Agree on a truce early, while it's still easy to say, instead of at the door.

Where to next

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